As a Supervising Social Worker, one of the most powerful dynamics I witness is when foster carers work in partnership with birth families. It’s not always easy, in fact, for many foster carers, the idea of building a relationship with a child’s birth parents can be one of the most daunting aspects of fostering. However, when it works, it can be one of the most transformative and rewarding parts of the journey, especially for the child at the centre of it all.
The challenge and the importance of overcoming it
Working closely with birth families can bring up a wide range of emotions for foster carers. Some may feel anxious or protective of the child, unsure of how to engage with parents who may have struggled to provide safe or consistent care. Others worry about boundaries, allegations, or the emotional toll of becoming involved in sometimes complex family dynamics. I often have carers say that they feel like they are being pulled into the chaos!
These concerns are completely valid. As professionals, we see the impact of generational trauma, instability, and sadly, we often see poor outcomes for looked-after children in comparison to their peers. But we also see the full picture, including the potential for change, the power of relationships, and the child’s deep-rooted need for connection with their birth families.
For looked-after children, their identity is tied closely to their birth family. No matter the circumstances, most children maintain a psychological bond with their birth parents. When foster carers can respect and promote that connection, children often feel less conflicted, more secure, and more able to settle at home and school.
Building Trust and Rebalancing Power
When a child comes into care, it’s not just the child who experiences loss; their birth parents do too. For many parents, having their child removed from their care feels like they have lost control, authority, and even their sense of identity as a parent. These feelings are often accompanied by feelings of judgement, shame, anger or helplessness. Imagine what it must be like to no longer make the day-to-day decisions for your child, even down to what food they eat and the clothes that they wear. This is where I have seen foster carers have a powerful impact; it’s the simple things, such as asking the parent whether they would like to bring food for their child during family time, and dressing them in outfits their parent may have bought for them.
Often it’s the smallest gestures that send the biggest message – a warm hello during family time, sharing regular updates or photos, or speaking respectfully and being authentically positive about a child’s parent. Foster carers can help parents feel seen, respected and involved. These small wins can go a long way in building trust and restoring a sense of dignity for birth parents.
Real Relationships, Real Rewards
When a foster carer shows that they are not trying to replace a parent, it shifts the dynamic completely. It softens resistance, reduces conflict, and allows for the possibility of real collaboration. For the child, seeing the most important adults in their life communicate and cooperate with each other signifies that adults can work together in their best interest. It sends a message to the child that they don’t have to feel conflicted and choose a side, and that they are truly being cared for in a united way. In turn, this can lead to improved behaviour, more secure attachments, and a more stable placement.
I’ve also seen wonderful examples where partnership working leads to smoother transitions back home, better outcomes in education and emotional wellbeing, and even ongoing relationships post-placement. Many foster carers remain a positive presence in a child’s life long after they’ve returned to their family — as mentors, friends, or extended support.
Of course, it’s not always possible or safe to develop close ties with every birth family, and where that’s the case, it’s vital to prioritise boundaries and personal safety of the foster family. But when it is possible, and when foster carers are supported to explore this relationship carefully and professionally, the rewards can be immense.
At Ascent, we recognise how complex this can be. That’s why we offer training, supervision, and hands-on support to help carers navigate these relationships. Whether it’s managing boundaries, preparing for contact, or offering a therapeutic understanding of family dynamics. Working with birth families may not always be straightforward, but when approached with empathy, clear communication, and the right support, it can be one of the most meaningful parts of fostering.
If you would like to find out more about fostering and the amazing difference you could make in a young persons life. Give usa call on 0203 757 0070 or click HERE to receive a call back. We’d be happy to answer any questions you may have on fostering and take you through the process.